Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
