I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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