Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
