i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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