Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
