Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
