drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
soo... how was my night?
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