You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
