Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
