just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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