I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
