I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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