How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
