i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
