So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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