Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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