So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
