jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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