So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
