Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
