Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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