dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you win again, gameday.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
