There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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