shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
