I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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