If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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