I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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