He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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