well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
