bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
did i walk over a car last night?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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