Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
