I can tuck mytits in my pants
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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