Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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