Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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