I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
