At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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