return my video game
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
