I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
