You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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