Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
