Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
A+ Viking dick
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
