I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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