Where did you get a picture of my penis
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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