who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we have officially lost it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
