i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
one might say we're banned from that church
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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