she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
