This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
babies were throwing up all over the place
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
