My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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