Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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