Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
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Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
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My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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