Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
a search helicopter?!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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