i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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