yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
