just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
