my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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