I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
