where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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