I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
