i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
