I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
