You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
