I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
