i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
