Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
