sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
