So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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