I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
