One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
