You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize