I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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