Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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