Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
