you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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