Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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