This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
