his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
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There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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