1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
