yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
