If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
